"extraordinary together...ordinary apart"

here i am. i have not died. just simply had a whirlwind of a month. and here i am on the other side of it all wondering where it all went. the wedding is over (a part of me is kinda sad...there no longer is some big event for me to coordinate and plan) the honeymoon is over (a big part of me is sad...there no longer is a glorious vacation to look forward to)

it's over. no more celebration. no more planning. no more vacation. that's the saddest part i think. i have nothing that i'm looking forward to anymore. no glimpse of freedom, where i'll just get to lay around and do nothing. i want to be back on the beach, the only thought of planning was figuring out what to eat and drink next.

the honeymoon is over. in every sense. no more beach. no more gifts. just back to work. back to our busy life schedules where we rarely see each other (at least i know we'll fall asleep together). on to laundry and trying to cook and trying to clean up. on to a life of busy-ness and watching the boy play video/computer games relentlessly. (maybe i shouldn't have been a cool wife and bought him games...oh well, too late now.)

don't get me wrong. life is wonderful. surreal kinda. i am deliriously happy with our life together. our apartment is cute (white, but cute!) i'm decorating with wall quote stickers...you know me and my quotes. only a few more things to settle, but it's pretty much home. our home. that's so weird to say. it's nice. to have a place of our own. where i know we'll both end up at at the end of our crazy days.

it's weird to be married. to have a different name. it's kinda not fair. a) the guys hafta do practically nothing to pull the whole wedding/reception event off, b) the guys really don't hafta do a whole lot in the moving process except lift the heavy things, and then lastly c) guys don't have to do any of the hassle of name changing. as a girl, you hafta change you license, change your social security card, change your address, change all my work stuff, change the email, phone message, everything. it's a lot.

so now everyone asks how married life is...it's great. but yeah...it's kinda surreal. to have a life of my own! laying in bed this morning, waking up next to my best friend...was weird to think i get to do this forever. it's surreal because you don't really feel a whole lot different...but at the same time, everything's different. i like it!

so yeah...we've been good. had ultimate birth control: riley spent the night saturday night. it was so much fun. i love that child like he is mine. we had the best time ever. nothing special. took him to see my little sister's musical and he was wonderful. came home and watched a movie with dan. went to sleep. woke up and watched tarzan and ate pancakes and he bawled when he had to go home. it felt bad to make him so sad, but good to know he loved us so much. i love him. that child brightens up my life and makes me happy.

and now, we're back in our busy life schedule...and i'm tired. so tired. it's back to the same answer when people ask how i am. i'm tired. drained and exhausted. and my work isn't that hard. why do i just find myself wiped out then? i wish i was back on the beach! maybe i just need something to look forward to...but what? all our big stuff happened in a few short weeks and i'm left with no motivation. all i wanna do is lay around our apartment doing things i wanna do, on my schedule, and just be with dan. sadly...my job does not allow this. so on i go. making money. praying dan will get a fulltime job making enough money so i don't have to work fulltime for much longer.

i know i'm just rambling and i'm sorry. maybe i'll go read or something now. i should start working out...maybe that would give me energy. but i can't find the motivation. i couldn't find the motivation when i was getting married and had a deadline...what's gonna get me off my butt now. someone want a workout partner? :)