"wishing you were somehow here again..."

that song just popped in to my head...from phantom of the opera. quite appropriate i guess.

realized yesterday that i would've finished my first trimester...made me sad. soaked in a tub last night and just looked at my tummy knowing there was no longer a little baby, a little heartbeat inside. right now, i should have a little belly starting to show...and i don't. i should be a third of the way through my pregnancy, instead i'm sitting here with nothing.

i know there will be moments...i have them.

maybe it just hit me because this past week was rough! not emotionally...that was 2 weeks ago. this week was busy, stressful, frustrating...because of my J.O.B. but my mary kay business is taking off. like popcorn, jamie says. it's all gonna happen this month. i am finishing my car and will be a director before the year is over. and i was given this urgency and ultimate motivation because of my little blueberry baby. and now, my baby's gone...but i still want to finish these goals. finish strong. to show my little baby up in heaven that its momma is a survivor, a fighter, a super woman!

i wanted to be pregnant with my best friend. and we almost were. i'm so excited for her. but today...my heart is sad, knowing our babies would've only been 6 weeks apart.