i'm scared. i'm shaking and so cold, but sweating. i'm starving but the thought of food makes me nauseous. my eyes are burning and dry but i can't stop the tears from welling up. my bloodshot eyes look more like the eyes of the vampires i read about than my own. and i'm scared.
of the unknown.
funny, how yesterday i kept remembering this weekend's message. you can't tell the future. you can only trust in god's plan and will for life, because his is way better than mine. and i believe that. i have to. it's the only way my life works. and now...it's just funny in the uncanny funny kind of funny...when you don't want to laugh, you want to cry. because you're scared. and you just wonder what the heck is going on and why everything is falling all around you.
i know we'll be ok. because i believe with everything within me that god's already got it worked out. i know i shouldn't be...but i'm so scared. so so scared.
please pray. i'll update with details when i can. (it's times like right now that i'm so thankful to be able to write all this down here...see, it's funny. god had it all worked out...)
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"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
ReplyDeleteNelson Mandela
"God has wisely kept us in the dark concerning future events and reserved for himself the knowledge of them, that he may train us up in a dependence upon himself and a continued readiness for every event."
Matthew Henry
"He who breathes into our hearts the heavenly hope, will not deceive or fail us when we press forward to its realization."
Anonymous